As I sit here watching The Biggest Loser, I realize that I want to be one too. This show motivates me to want to work hard at losing weight (well at least on Tuesday nights anyway). I think it is mostly because Bob and Jillian are encouraging the contestants and pushing them to the limits. Well, Bob encourages them, and Jillian spits in their faces and tries to make each player throw up some time during the contest. 

• When my alarm goes off and I hit the snooze button, time after time; I need her to come and pull me by one leg out of the bed and yell in my ear until I am up and running on my elliptical machine. I can hear her saying "Unless You Puke, Faint or Die, Keep Going!"

• After I wash clothes, I need her to get in my face and scream at me to finish folding them and putting them away. She would say, “No sorry, no can't, no room for weakness. Fold now!”

• On days when I bring my lunch, but I still want go out and spend money. I need her to shove me back down in my seat and scream in my face until I am grateful for my turkey and cheese sandwich. She would belt out, “Chinese? Really? Again? Do you want to look like a wonton? Huh? You’re already a dumpling!”

• At work when I start gazing out the windows, I need her to pull herself up on a scaffold, beat on the window and tell me to get back to work. She would say something like, “Perform or get out! If you don’t want a check then quit playing with the company’s money.” 

• When I pull out my card to put it in the ATM machine, I need her to put her hand over the hole and push me away saying, “Do you want to be broke? You’re going to have to fight me for that $20. This is not even your bank’s atm. What kind of idiot would pay extra for laziness? I will not let you pay $3 in service fees.” I will be so sick of her mouth that I won’t even want the money anymore.